Drink it up

For a moment you forget what it was like the first time, the first time someone took you to a place because you were old enough, they wanted to get you your first.  The first time you took a sip, a taste of it.  You forget how it was so strong you almost didn't want it.  How could anyone endure this potent mixture?  Then a second sip, and the next thing you know, you had the time of your life.... for what you can remember.

Then it begins, and you look for it.  You remember how fun it is, and it's just a night of fun.  Nothing to be concerned with, you are just looking for a good time.  Some of the best times, some of the great moments are all with it.  You wonder why everyone else doesn't, but that doesn't matter.  You're with other people who share the same sentiment and you don't care.  It's fun and it make you feel good and that's all that matters.

You go out for the sole purpose to be exposed to it. People caution you that you shouldn't take too much. You might hurt someone, you might hurt yourself. You can accidentally change your life for the worst with one small mistake. Yet they all don't realize how much it has changed you now, the meaningless fun, the crazy nights, the friends you have made with a single night of fun.

Little by little, it takes a little more.  Little by little you feel a little less. You don't feel complete without it sometimes.  You forget how to be happy without it.  You wake up and you want it, but you don't because you know it might be too much.  Too much for right now, right?  Would it be bad?  A little more, just to make you feel good through the day. To make you enjoy this day a little more, just a little 
more.

You can't remember the last time you didn't have it. You shutter to think of going a day without. You're fixed, hooked, and you'll do anything for it. You forget about everything because that's all you want and you'll take it anywhere you can get it. It might not be as good, and it's not as fun, not for a fun night for sure. It's just to get by, to make you feel like something because without it you feel lost. It scares you to be without it, it makes you.  You try to stop, to let go of it because you feel that it's changing you and you don't like who you are becoming with it.  You try to think of all the ones you might have hurt in the past, all the time you might have destroyed yourself.  You want to give it up completely, to make sure that you are the one in control and that it's not controlling your decisions.  Cut it cold turkey, no more, you feel horrible the first day.  You look for support, you find strength in perseverance, in making it longer without it.  Although it just doesn't feel the same, to fulfillment of emotion that it brought, and being sober without it never makes you feel alive.  You know your better without it, everyone tells you to be strong, to be patient.  Except remember that time, that first time, the moment that you felt stronger than the world, when you knew that nothing mattered except that moment.  You think back, you think, what's one sip, one small sip to look for that feeling one more time.  It can't be all that bad, what's the worst that can happen?

Ah, to be drunk with love.  It's intoxicating.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

In braces

I've only been told, stories from others. They pass their beliefs on to be those of mine. I heard that we are miracles. I've also hear that we are the spectrum of light and energy given form. We can build, we can destroy, we can love, we can create. All the same power of the galaxies within us. We are built from the stars. We are worlds of energy bounded by our skin. Each of us walking miracles. Yet with all this energy within me, all this strength of a universe, I find myself so powerless in this moment.  This moment that a star puts its arms around me.  This embrace that has put me on my knees.  This moment that every spark of light, every atom, every breath of energy now pulses for another universe, another star that shines so bright. And as the infinite space around us travels, the divine power that made these stars collide.  Please hold me up, keep these stars bright.  Hold me as I hold you through this charismatic shower of universes.  Fo...
Read more

Further in

Protected like a fragile breath, I keep safe as not to hurt.  Then I was scratched and everyone took care of me.  They bandaged it up and cleaned it well.  It hurt... and I remembered. I healed and again protected myself, remembering only the pain.  Then I was scratched again, and no one to bandage it, no one to keep me from looking at the blood.  I remember the pain but I was used to it, I could feel it, I was drawn to it.  I wanted to see why it hurt, why it made me cry, so I stuck my finger in.  Excruciating waves quickly bloomed from my heart to my whole body and just as quick I pulled my finger out and the relief was divine. I shuttered to imagine the pain, yet I grit my teeth and stuck my finger further in. The next day I walked aimlessly with a scar on my tear.  Harden to protect me, keep the hurtful things out.  I could touch it but I felt nothing.  I knew it was for the better.  I knew that it was the way it was me...
Read more

Sold myself

People say I've changed. I've changed just because I am trying to get you to like me.  That I have given up the traits people come to recognize in me. Given up what has made me who I am today. Yet that person now has met you. That person has grown to admire you. That person thinks highly of the person you have come to represent to those around you. That people think you are an outstanding person. So if I sold myself to you, changed to be a person you would admire. Shouldn't that mean the person you would want would be good too?  Maybe a change is what we need? A change for good perhaps, a change from the stagnate, or a change from now. Or is it that I have changed from what everyone else wants? Or I have changed from what the stagnate has made me? It's difficult to see if you drive the change or if the change is driving you. I hope you just respect me, and if you don't I can change.
Read more