Half empty

I was told that you need to fill yourself with purpose.  Find the life that you were meant to live.  I filled my life with beliefs and rules to give my life meaning.  I stood for what I believed in and became filled with anger when other people's purpose was opposed to mine.  We stood strong on our beliefs against each other, creating purpose.

I filled myself with my own needs, scared that anyone, anything could take them away.  I filled myself with apprehension, with doubt of the needs of others.  That those needs might take away my own.  I filled myself with what I though I should.

I filled myself with so much I couldn't keep it all in.  I filled myself with too much, it violently lashed out.  So much kept within, under pressure of all the emotion.  I filled my soul with what I only knew.

Now I sit a mess, spilled everywhere, wondering to fill again with what they say to fill yourself, to give yourself purpose.  Give this life meaning.  Yet I can't help imagine what it would be like to be empty, to rid myself of all the needs that they say I need.  To no longer stand on so high on my own needs, to let everyone else fill me with their needs.  I can be the one that they need me to be.  They will say I would just do it to please them, that I don't have a purpose of my own and will be used, be taken advantaged of, to just do things to make them happy.  Although what if all that is my purpose, my meaning.  To let go of everything I need, to have nothing holding you back, to have nothing to lose, I can be there for others.  To empty myself to let me hold the needs of others.

Yet maybe I am just being optimistic in what hope lies for me, maybe I am just looking at the glass half full.

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